Coming Out of the Fog

Yesterday, I found myself telling lots of people about this new venture with writing.  I actually said to one, "I haven't felt so alive in a really long time."  As soon as it came out I paused a little.  Oops.  Unplanned, unprocessed sharing - what was I starting to sort out?  If I wasn't fully alive before, what was I?  Where was I?  The quick summary is that a major personal shake up, a stretch of unemployment,  the loss of some important supports and friends, and a foot surgery that was slow to heal had left me in a fog.  I was moving forward, one foot in front of the other, getting the laundry done, and buying groceries but sort of in a highly functioning, zombie type of way.  O.K., that may be a slight exaggeration, but in general, I wasn't anywhere close to embracing Oprah's challenge to be my best self.

Fog in Wayanad (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I've been reading a daily meditation book every morning and about a month ago the entry encouraged me to trust.  You don't know what to do with your life?  You don't know what actions you should take or what direction to go?  Trust.  Things will not always be this way.  People, ideas, opportunities will cross your path.  Healing/peace will come.  Trust that that is true.  Trust enough to listen.  Trust enough to stay open to possibilities.  For me, it was trusting two dear friends expressing concern that, "you aren't yourself".  Listening to their caring nudges encouraged me to make some significant changes.  One of the changes I had made was the reading of the daily meditation.  A month or so into it and I read the passage on trust.  I remember thinking, "I'd rather have a to do list."

Trust I did though and as promised, pain morphed into zombie plodding which morphed into awareness which morphed into openness which transformed into the ability to hear my own voice again.  I knew deep down that this would happen.  I'm glad that I had the patience to remain open.  I'm glad that I was able to start listening to the new thoughts and ideas in my own head and not just run a constant replay on my negative reel.  I'm glad that I had enough people around me who were cheering my voice back into it's full timber.   I hope you have those things in your own life or can be one of those cheerleaders for someone else.