Kids don't come with a guide. Parents don't have to pass any comprehensive exams to prove they are prepared for the lifelong vocation of parenting. Instead we worry, doubt ourselves, compare ourselves against others, and save money for the future therapy bills. The parenting test comes everyday. The only way to pass is with heaps of humility, honesty,and humor.
A quick question in lieu of a regular post, "What questions/issues are on your parenting test?" I know what pecks at me, how about you? How do you keep the self-doubt demons at bay?
What am I doing today that will put my kids in therapy or make them doubt themselves or give them anxiety in the future? Or tomorrow? I joke about this but I do have to put these thoughts aside often and just do the best I can in the moment.
I just had a question in my mind today and thought "I wish I could ask other parents about this." so here it is: We just moved and our new neighbors kid invited our son over to play and we just let him go to their house for a few hours. All I know about them is what the parents do for a living, that they have a dog, and they brought us cookies the first day we moved in. Shouldn't I have had the parents over for dinner or done some more investigating before I let our son go over there? Without overreacting and looking paranoid, how do we keep our kids safe in a world where even trusted teachers and family members end up hurting children?
The one I am most struggling with is when to start allowing our kids to stay home alone. In sharing my concern with one parent they recommended I read "Free Range Parenting" which 1- pushed many of my hippy-dippy, overly permissive parenting buttons and 2- made me feel like somehow I was just uneducated and reading this book would enlighten me.
My biggest concern is I just don't feel ready. If something were to happen I think I would blame myself for letting them stay home alone when they weren't ready or too young. Our daughter is 11 and our son is 10 and she is probably mature enough and responsible enough that I wouldn't have any concerns. He definitely is not ready which brings up all the competition and fighting they get into when anything isn't fair or equal. If she can stay home "IT ISN'T FAIR!!!!!" if he can't.
I am by no means a helicopter parent. I am more than comfortable giving them space and allowing them to struggle and fail. Maybe being raised in a family with 5 kids, two parents, and random house guests just makes a kid staying home ALONE seem super foreign to me. I mean really when would I ever have had the chance to be alone growing up with all those people. Ultimately it is a personal call but I wish I could talk about it without having to brace for a teach-in moment or withering smile that communicates how overprotective or naive I am.
Check out this blog post callled Home Alone on The Wonderwheel blog: http://mywonderwheel.wordpress.com/2009/01/08/home-alone/
And another one: Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-the-subway-alone/#more-6
What am I doing today that will put my kids in therapy or make them doubt themselves or give them anxiety in the future? Or tomorrow? I joke about this but I do have to put these thoughts aside often and just do the best I can in the moment.
ReplyDeleteAm I finding the right balance between scheduled activities and free play at home in PJs for my kiddos?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHow do I remember to individualize my parenting style to the very different personalities of my boys?
ReplyDeleteFrom ScienceDaily: Kids' Anxiety, Depression Halved When Parenting Styled to Personality
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/08/110801094732.htm
I just had a question in my mind today and thought "I wish I could ask other parents about this." so here it is: We just moved and our new neighbors kid invited our son over to play and we just let him go to their house for a few hours. All I know about them is what the parents do for a living, that they have a dog, and they brought us cookies the first day we moved in. Shouldn't I have had the parents over for dinner or done some more investigating before I let our son go over there? Without overreacting and looking paranoid, how do we keep our kids safe in a world where even trusted teachers and family members end up hurting children?
ReplyDeleteThe one I am most struggling with is when to start allowing our kids to stay home alone. In sharing my concern with one parent they recommended I read "Free Range Parenting" which 1- pushed many of my hippy-dippy, overly permissive parenting buttons and 2- made me feel like somehow I was just uneducated and reading this book would enlighten me.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest concern is I just don't feel ready. If something were to happen I think I would blame myself for letting them stay home alone when they weren't ready or too young. Our daughter is 11 and our son is 10 and she is probably mature enough and responsible enough that I wouldn't have any concerns. He definitely is not ready which brings up all the competition and fighting they get into when anything isn't fair or equal. If she can stay home "IT ISN'T FAIR!!!!!" if he can't.
I am by no means a helicopter parent. I am more than comfortable giving them space and allowing them to struggle and fail. Maybe being raised in a family with 5 kids, two parents, and random house guests just makes a kid staying home ALONE seem super foreign to me. I mean really when would I ever have had the chance to be alone growing up with all those people. Ultimately it is a personal call but I wish I could talk about it without having to brace for a teach-in moment or withering smile that communicates how overprotective or naive I am.
I was left home alone at 9 - and I turned out ok :)
DeleteCheck out this blog post callled Home Alone on The Wonderwheel blog:
Deletehttp://mywonderwheel.wordpress.com/2009/01/08/home-alone/
And another one: Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone
http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-the-subway-alone/#more-6